Feel the burn!

I was weighed the other day. It was for a study I have been in since kindergarten, and it was with one of those high-tech, scientific, guaranteed to be 100% accurate type of scales. WOO HOO! I just have 40 more pounds to go for my target weight! It has been hard, hard work. But knowing how much I weigh now (I really should get myself a scale) inspired me to FEEL THE BURN. So I increased my workout--and I felt the burn! There is something so sickly satisfying about feeling the burn. I relate it to child birth (okay stay with me here), because in both situations there is such a burning sensation and yet you know that a great result is going to come from it. So, tomorrow my calves will feel like they are trying to fall off of my legs, and my abdomen is going to be sore if I laugh, sneeze, breath, etc; and it is going to be great!

Losing weight has felt like such a struggle. I love food. I love carbs. I love ice cream. I hate diabetes. I hate poking myself 5 times a day. I hate giving myself 5 injections a day. I hate that the doctors and nutritionist can not figure out if I am a type 1 or type 2 diabetic. I hate that this disease controls my emotions, my memory, my life. I hate that no less then 6 women have asked me if I am a diabetic bulimic or bulimic diabetic, whatever the Dr. Phil show was on (which shows I know too many women who watch Dr. Phil--someone who has stopped following the cross in favor of $$$). In case you are wondering, a bulimic diabetic is a person who does not take their insulin, because it will force their body to lose weight. That has been a painful accusation. I can't not take my insulin. I will end up back in the hospital with diabetic ketosacidosis. I almost died in April '07 because my body was not producing insulin (or not processing it correctly-my doctor isn't sure which yet). I might as well play Russian Roulette.

Why is it so hard to believe that I am actually working on losing weight? I have lost almost 100 pounds since the birth of Evan in September 2006. It hasn't melted off. I have been feeling the burn!